


aeviternal

by asianbutnotasian (takehiko_arashi), takehiko_arashi, yasukochiyo (takehiko_arashi)



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Drabble, Speculation, changmin - Freeform, drunkedness, imagined-sex, ranting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 19:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5940097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takehiko_arashi/pseuds/asianbutnotasian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/takehiko_arashi/pseuds/takehiko_arashi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/takehiko_arashi/pseuds/yasukochiyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changminnie?</p>
            </blockquote>





	aeviternal

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is purely speculation of what I think actually goes on in an idol's mind.

Sipping wearily from his green soju bottle, he banged his slender fingers on his keyboard successfully typing out **_"afvfgtguinvdsfghji"_** in the Google search bar. Bringing his sweaty palm to rest on his creased forehead and then sliding it down into his once-styled and stiff hair. Dropping his slippery bottle to the floor, waiting for the resounding crash against the tile floor, and then lifted his head to his bright screen once again. Typing in **_"homin"_** , he waited patiently for the stupid circle to start spinning faster and actually load the fucking page. He knew what he was waiting for though; something that will make him pull out his hair and a new reason to open up the fridge and pop open four new bottles of soju, courtesy of Kyuhyun and his hope of a party.

The page loaded and the idol's face was flooded with sites and pictures of him and his fucking charasmatic leader. Clicking on one of the sites, he saw the words **_"fanfics"_** , **_"yunho"_** , _**"changmin"**_ , **_"NC17"_** and **_"fluff"_**. He compelled his hand to move the mouse to click on one of the first links. Words appeared, paragraphs formed, authors notes apologised for _**"this weird thing I wrote at 5AM. lol, sorry >.<"**_. His sharp hazel eyes skimmed the statements, questions, exclamations, observations. His left eye twitched at the line, "falling to his knees, the Hallyu idol let his head of now-pink hair touch the tiled floor as he breathed out, his exhaustion from his regular **_"kiss, make-out, fuck and practice Champagne dance routine" with his younger counterpart shone through"._**

He clenched his teeth in frustration. Did this fucking idiot know anything? He wasn't even in the Champagne video, even though Yunho was in Rise as One. Just proves how fucking desperate the company was to promote "HoMin" and "brotherly love". It was shit, all of it.

Yunho and Changmin were close, well who wouldn't be? After thirteen years together and seven years alone together, compromise was inevitable. They knew each other from inside out, but they didn't want to _see_ inside, for sure. They were like brothers, they had gone through a lot together—and no, he did not mean the heart-breaking split of TVXQ. It wasn't as tragic as described.

Sure, the five of them were the best of friends, but Yunho and Changmin were adults, they could understand that Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu wanted to follow a different path to their friends. Life wasn't as disappointing, depressing and saddening as almost every Cassiopeia assumed. In fact, life was pretty great. Rich? Famous? Handsome? What more could he ask for?

  
Sure, a large portion of his fans were ahjummas, but who cared? It was 2016, they had debuted in 2003 and the decrease of their popularity was unavoidable. It would be nice if there were more teenage fans like in 2004, if the fans were not so focussed on bands that were mere copy-cats of legends. But, that was just wishful thinking. It wasn't necessary for that kind of popularity, he had enough money to keep his family and himself happy, enough fame to be kept in the news and good looks that got him to dump every girl he ever dated.

Sometimes it was awkward; to be surrounded by these new debuting boy bands and elders of his who only debuted in 2011. It was awkward because he was their sunbae-nim, but they were his hyung. Sometimes he felt old, especially when he was with Kyuhyun and Minho and not to mention, Suho. They debuted later than him, and they were more popular than him. Sure, they came from the same company and they were the best of friends, and they did the same things, but if _they_ said something innapropriate, it would be a scandal. If _he_ said something similiar to that, it was seen as _mature._ He didn't want to be seen as immature or childish, but the fact that what they say could be a scandal is proof that they're bigger than him now. That no one cared about TVXQ anymore. In fact, Changmin was sure that the only way for him to garner attention was to throw himself off a bridge or become critically wounded in a car accident.

He didn't want attention, he wanted to be acknowledged again. Acknowledged as someone with talent, as a legend, as a senior. Maybe someone with an amazing voice like Junsu, or someone who was kind-hearted like Yunho. Maybe. But what made him stand out? Some saw him as sexy, others as smart, others as _that-guy-who's-always-around-Yunho-oppa._ In short, he wanted to make a name for himself, and not the one given to him by fans.

He didn't like the way fans saw him; cute, adorable, immature. It was probably the most fake part of kpop. What fans didn't realize was that every single kpop idol was an adult and they, yes, acted childishly—but, for who? So much acting was put into the production of a kpop band. To be in a kpop band, you had to be able to convince the viewers of your character, of your set personality. To the entertainment business, your ideas, your personality, you opinions didn't matter. Well, in SM it didn't matter.

What if idols didn't want to be fake? What if they wanted to be like Western stars, where you could speak your mind about alcohol, grooming habits, sex. It would be awkward at first, but wouldn't it be a step in the right direction? Shouldn't freedom of expression be a step in the right direction.

  
Maybe. Maybe not. Changmin took another swig of his soju bottle.

 


End file.
